The following story is shared by Rick Utley, Co-Founder of Doc’s Recovery House, reflecting on an important moment in his recovery.
“All I wanted was my relationship back with my family. It was the one thing that I wouldn’t and couldn’t turn over to God. So I kept trying to force my way back into their lives, doing it all my way. Because the one thing I just couldn’t do was let go. I couldn’t let go of wanting it my way, wanting to see my kids, wanting to be back in my family’s lives again.
So I hung on.
My sponsor used to tell me ‘ you’ve got to let go,’ but I couldn’t. It was like I had to hang onto this thing like my life depended on it, like I was suspended above the earth, and if I let go, I would fall and die.
So I hung on.
I hung on with everything I had for years — until one day I drove by my family’s house and there was a for sale sign in their yard — and then a few weeks later, that sign was replaced with a sold sign.
I got this terrible feeling in my stomach, because I knew the inevitable was coming. They were about to move to who knows where, and I would have to let go of this thing I had been hanging onto for so long. I drove by again a few weeks later, and saw the moving truck. The next day, the sign was out.
I knew it was time for me to let go.
So there I was, suspended above the ground, and I let go. When I did, I fell one inch to Earth — just one inch. I didn’t die like I thought I would, I was okay, standing on the ground, ready to trust God and move forward with my life.
As soon as I let go and found myself walking on the ground again, within one month of my decision to hand things over to God, I had a relationship back with all three of my kids.
When we’re suspended above earth, it’s scary to let go of that one thing. We feel like if we do, we won’t make it. But when we let go, we’ll usually only fall about one inch to the ground, ready to move forward.
Nothing happens on my timeline. No matter what I did or what I tried to do, it just wouldn’t work that way. But it seemed like as soon as I let go, everything came back in the time it was supposed to.”